Majokes

"What's the difference between a magician and a savings bond?

The savings bond eventually matures and earns money."

------- or:

"What do you call a magician without a girlfriend?

Homeless."

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A man is walking down the street when he passes by a homeless man who is down on his luck. The beggar asks the stranger for some money so he could get something to eat.

The man asks, "Will you use the money to buy booze?"

The beggar says, "No, I promise I won't. I don't drink."

The man says, "Will you gamble it away?"

The beggar assures the man, "I have never gambled a day in my life."

Cigarettes?
No sir, I don't smoke!

"Well, you must come with me to meet my wife," demands the man,
Wha? Why asks the beggar?
"I want her to see what happens to a man who doesn't drink, smoke or gamble!"

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These copied from Jeff Hobson's "Best Jokes Ever" app: great (cheap) resource